Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

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I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

Have you ever had sex with your female cousin? How did it start?

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I have complete contempt for traitorism

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Why is it so common for married white women to have an affair with black men? Does it bother white guys?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

What does it mean when a guy says he's afraid of falling for someone else after going through heartbreaks?

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

My landlord just sold the house I’m renting from her. She included all fixtures, that I bought and installed. Does she have this right?

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I have complete contempt for fakery

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I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

What are some good Caribbean islands to travel to with friends or family? Why?

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I can count

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I dreamt my mother had died and I cried so much in my dream. What does it mean?

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Do you think that drug addiction is a symptom of larger societal ills? What is it about our culture that leaves so many feeling like they're inadequate, trying any ill to find a cure?

I see through liars

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

How can I stop overthinking and take action more quickly?

I have a reading level above third grade

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

Why do many modern Hollywood films rely heavily on CGI and visual effects instead of actual sets? What is your opinion on this trend?

I understand how hurricane paths work

I can read

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

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I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

Are there any industries or sectors where ChatGPT is particularly well-suited for implementation?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

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I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I actually pay taxes

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t